Unhappy People

David Smith
(This page does not contain medical advice)

Last updated on 7th October 2005

The following are all extracts from letters people have written to NORM-UK. They are presented anonymously to protect the identity of the writers, many of whom are deeply hurt by circumcision.

"My own personal situatIon is the result of an infant circumcision where I consider I was rendered mutilated by a crude deprivation of my foreskin. The result of the circumcision which I obviously had no control over did heavily restrict my confidence with potential young lady conquests due to the embarrassment caused by the appearance and condition of my deformed and bent penis."

"We pass through life once. No one can legislate to make sure we have all the right attributes and things we want. We can, however make it unlawful for anyone to take away anything that is already ours without our permission.

I happen to believe that I own my body: at no stage of my life did my parents or anyone else own it. My parents had the responsibility of caring for me, nurturing me, giving me guidance, example and a good start in life.

As a baby boy I was circumcised. This was a 'routine circumcision done for no other reason than my mother thought it was 'better'.

As far as I am concerned I was failed by the law. If my parents had removed any other part of my body, they would have been prosecuted.

I do not oppose circumcision by choice: I do oppose the circumcision of anyone too young to be able to give or withhold informed consent. "

"I never really came to terms with what happened to me. I was told nothing before my circumcision. I was taken from my home by a stranger who left me at the hospital. No one spoke a word to me, two nurses undressed me and placed me on a board, they pulled my legs apart and fastened straps running up my legs and my arms and waist. I was then wheeled from that room down a passage to another room. There were three people there. A nurse placed a plastic plate in my mouth, put her hands under my chin to keep my head still and mouth closed. As each process of the circumcision was performed I felt the pain acutely.

I had the misfortune to be circumcised at about three months because the GP my parents consulted in the early 50s viewed nonretraction at that tender age as unacceptable, and hence a mutilatable offence. I now gather that the conclusion they reached was incorrect (in all probability). My belief is that it was fashionable to do this heinous thing at the time, and if there was any remote question that it might be needed, the attitude was "Do it anyway because it doesn't matter, it's cleaner, and will stop him playing with himself when he gets older"

I've never expressed my outrage to anyone before, but I do know that the realisation in my late teens that I had had a very important bit of me removed unnecessarily at someone's whim, had a profound effect on me. Were it the fashion to remove the left earlobe of every n-th child, I'm sure it would have been outlawed years ago. We don't dock dog's ears or tails anymore.

I am convinced that the psychological profile of these circumcisers, especially those that love doing it, and some surely do, is very interesting indeed: I genuinely suspect that a few are actually evil in their desire to cut up the younger generation, and possibly even get turned on by their actions. (How about that as the child abuse of all child abuses?) I guess some think "I don't have the fun of a foreskin, so why should he?" or "I'm sure uncircumcised men are more sensitive, and therefore more randy, but I'll do my best to stop that sort of thing."

What has happened to me is my own personal misfortune, but if there is any way that this brutality can be stopped I would be willing to support such a movement

In most other respects, I believe myself to be a reasonably balanced sort of chap, but in this one area, I am profoundly upset at what was done to me."

"Having seen a reference in the Jewish Chronicle made to your published letter in the British Medical Journal, I write to agree with you! I have only just seen your BMJ letter and having myself been brought up as an Orthodox Jewess, I now question it in the 21st century. The last Bris (circumcision) I was invited to recently, I just could not go. Tradition is no excuse for continuing this practice. The only justification must be medical for the welfare of the boy. Why aren't boys left to make their own decision when they are eighteen?"

"I am writing to express my many thanks to you and your organisation in providing support and advice in dealing with the problem of my son's tight foreskin. The doctor you mentioned contacted me with advice after you forwarded her my son's details. She was very helpful and informative and I subsequently relayed her advice on to my GP who took on board all the information. As a result I treated my son with half-strength Betnovate and after only 5 weeks the GP is amazed with the result. His foreskin can now fully retract and he suggests we cease the treatment.

My GP has said he will totally alter his future treatments of children with similar problems.

I re-iterate it is totally because of your organisation that I was given the information which allowed my son to have non-invasive treatment. I shudder to think what I could have put him through had I, through lack of informed knowledge, not had your help and advice and for that I truly thank you."

"Six years ago, when I was 19 years old, I was circumcised because I was having problems with constrictions of my foreskin when I had an erection. At the time my doctor recommended that I should be circumcised - no other options were offered to me. I have to say that, at the time, I was not aware of the possible consequences of circumcision.

Since the operation I have gradually become more and more desensitised and most mornings I suffer from a sore glans. This has contributed to a definite falling off of my libido as I increasingly find sex less enjoyable and satisfying.

With this in mind, I thought you may be able to advise me on whether there are any remedies to this problem - and whether it is possible to regain any of the sensitivity I enjoyed before the operation. I would be grateful for any advice you could give. "

"I am an English atheist and my husband is an Egyptian Muslim. My son was born with undescended testicles and at the age of two and a half had an operation to bring them down permanently. Even though I was completely against it as a form of mutilation, my husband was adamant that our son would be circumcised one day - definitely in Egypt when he was older and without anaesthetic. As I thought it would be safer for him in England, under anaesthetic, and to avoid any further family conflict in the future, I thought it better to get it over and done with while he was having his other operation.

Not a day has passed since (it's been five years now) that I have not regretted giving in to my dominant husband. The pain my little boy went through with his penis weeping and covered in stitches for days afterwards, the thoughts of how it would affect him psychologically, how he would feel about being different from other boys, how it would affect his sexual pleasure when he grows up, how he might hate me one day for agreeing to this barbaric mutilation, and all these thoughts and more haunt me every day since. To have it done when there was no medical reason, no reason whatsoever for it having to be done - I just cannot live with my conscience without knowing there is any advantage whatsoever. If only I had said no, wait until he's older and can decide for himself - of course he never would have decided 'yes', who would agree to having the most sensitive part of their body mutilated? "

"I was circumcised in infancy I suspect for no other reason than a matter of class or snobbery. My parents, or maybe even my grandparents, although not wealthy still wanted 'the best' for me and were prepared to pay for it or let the medical insurance company pay for it! I know that I was born in a private nursing home and I suspect that circumcision was an 'optional extra' that the nursing home could make an extra income from. Of course, my parents didn't wait until I was older and ask me if I wanted it, no doubt working on the principle that I should have what was good for me at the time. My father died when I was two so I don't know if he was circumcised and cannot ask him why I was. I have never felt able to ask my mother. Interestingly, her elder sister refused to have her sons circumcised, (she once worked in a hospital where a youth was in pain after circumcision, perhaps the experience was educational). It is a pity that she didn't talk her little sister into not having me done.

Being circumcised has always been a problem for me. Initially it was psychological. When I was only five I was aware that I was 'different' from my playmates who weren't circumcised and they noticed too and commented on it. Later on it was also physical. In adolescence I discovered the disadvantages of having no foreskin to play with. Masturbation is easier, more comfortable and certainly more varied for uncircumcised men. Of course the same disadvantages apply during foreplay and sexual intercourse. If you have a foreskin you keep your options open. My cousin who is not circumcised tells me there is a mechanical benefit also in terms of reduced friction.

Whilst it remains a psychological problem, perhaps with your information it can be lessened or even eliminated. I look forward to finding out. "

"Circumcision is not done in good faith by the medical profession. The 'medical' reasons given for circumcision are so absurd and phoney as to be utterly ridiculous.

Every doctor knows that uncircumcised little boys like to touch their foreskins because it feels nice.

Every doctor knows that the real reason little boys are circumcised is to deprive them of the ability to obtain physical pleasure form touching their foreskins.

To mutilate the genitals of a defenceless little boy for this reason is an act of evil and wickedness beyond belief.

Circumcision is medical fraud- fraud of the most wicked, despicable and abominable kind.

The circumcised penis looks hideous and revolting.

The glans of the circumcised penis chafes forever against underwear.

Circumcision for cleanliness and hygiene? Drivel. "

"I am intact, but I first learnt what circumcision was when one of my friends in the last year of junior school was circumcised during the holidays. I can remember vividly how upset he was when all of us (me included I am afraid) made fun of him whilst he was changing at the local swimming pool. I can remember him showing me his penis just after the operation and it looked terrible. It was black and red, with several cuts, scars forming on it and with the glans totally exposed, it looked most odd to us all, it was also incredibly painful for him. He could barely even walk for a week and then, only if he held the penis away from his clothing and body. It took about two months for him to be able to participate in games again."

"I am a male aged 20 years of age. I was circumcised at 12 and it all went wrong. My penis was covered in weeping cuts and I couldn't go to school for a year because I could not wear ordinary trousers.

A surgeon did do some plastic surgery but I am deformed and cannot pass water properly and was taken into hospital this year because I hadn't passed urine for two days. I was rather ill and because of my high temperature had a cardiac arrest. The crash team had quite a job reviving me.

My consultant wants to do another operation in case the block happens again and I have another arrest, but unless I was admitted again as an emergency I couldn't face it.

I cannot hold an erection. My penis is too sensitive and uncomfortable (I can't even masturbate). I had very low exams marks because of my absence from school and this has gone against me getting employment.

My life is in a dreadful mess. I would be grateful if you could give me any advise. I haven't any friends and I haven't got a father to turn to either."

"I was circumcised in adulthood for a reason I have since found out was unnecessary. I was not advised on how it would affect me physically or indeed the possibility of psychological problems. I greatly missed the sensitivity and soon came to hate the 'exposed' feeling. Believe me, sex without a foreskin is only a fraction as good as with one!"

"I have four children of my own, two of which are boys. The youngest one is four months old, and my job in life is to get them to adult age as safely as possible with the minimum pain possible. Surely babies and children have enough obstacles and hurdles to encounter in life without the parents putting unnecessary suffering on them. What I would like to know is what are these mothers thinking of when listening to their little babies cry out in such agonising pain, probably in the hope that their mother will come to their rescue and comfort them? Little do they know that it was due to the will of their parents that they have gone through this horrific ordeal. What ever happened to a mothers love? It should be the greatest and most protective love of all. T.C, Plymouth"

"I wrote to you in June concerning my son Peter who, we had been told required a circumcision and for which a date had been set in July. You very kindly referred me to one of your doctors who sent me a number of leaflets. The information reinforced my view that this was not a procedure to be undertaken lightly. We went on a two week holiday and on our return I realised that things seemed to be improving, so I cancelled the operation, with the arrangement that we would return to the consultant in six months.

As much of Peter's problem was as a result of a scar I wondered whether the improvement had been due to the sea water and therefore decided to put salt in his bath water.

Leaving Peter's body to develop naturally, plus adding salt to his bath water has paid off as today the consultant said "he definitely does not now require a circumcision and needs no further checks" As you can imagine my husband and I (and Peter!) were delighted and would like to thank you for your very prompt support at a time when I felt I was going against medical advice.

I wish you success in your campaign."

"I am circumcised, don't like it, would like to change it. Can you help?"

"I imagine the purpose of circumcision in a lot of cases is to do with bonding. Becoming a man amongst men. One of us. Well it didn't work with me because I've never felt 'one of us'. I was brought up to keep my naked body a secret. I didn't even know about circumcision until I was 14 and a teacher explained (to my horror). Whereas now I think what I've missed out on - little boys should be allowed to feel proud of their penises. I did try to tell my father once, that I thought it was horrible and wrong and he was furious that 1) I mentioned it at all, 2) I thought that way- other friends would be proud if they had been done 3) how would I like to be really deformed as in a cleft palate or club foot?

Now I keep myself very fit in the gym but am often too embarrassed to undress in front of other people or shower for fear of what they're thinking.

It's losing an innocence or beauty. "

"My son is a member of your organisation and after hearing the pain that circumcision has caused him, I would like to become a member, and add my support."

"This year I will be 56 years old. When I was a child my mother took me along to our local GP. The doctor cleared his desk and performed a circumcision upon me. The operation went drastically wrong and left me embarrassingly deformed. I was left with a urethral fistula on the underside of my penis at the base of the glans. I was also left with a stricture so that even though the urine came out of the fistula and not out of the end as it should, nevertheless it sprayed everywhere under pressure.

Finally I plucked up courage to see a doctor. He sent me for an ascending urethragram. Eventually a surgeon performed two operations. The first was to open up the stricture and the second to close the fistula.

After the first operation I was really pleased. For the first time in my life I could pass water freely, albeit through the fistula. Unfortunately by the time of the second operation the opening had begun to heal and close up so it is still not as good as it was when first operated on.

My mother has always blamed me for the fistula because I evidently kicked the doctor when he was performing the operation. Looking at the scars on the glans of my penis, together with the fistula, the doctor must have put me through hell - no matter how marvellous my mother considered him to be. "

"A couple of days ago my 2 year old son, developed a minor foreskin irritation with some redness and apparent soreness around the tip of his foreskin. My wife called our local clinic and a so-called "advice nurse" suggested that we should "probably just go ahead and schedule a circumcision." I promptly sent a letter of complaint to the supervising nurse and enclosed some of your literature.

Thank you for assisting me in enlightening some of the more ignorant members of the medical profession. "

"I was circumcised at the age of three in 1956 and ever since I became aware of my status, I have been fascinated and appalled by the whole subject. Even now, 40 years on it still horrifies me that my loving parents could have inflicted such torture and mutilation on a defenceless baby. My penis is badly scarred by a very uneven operation. I have been told by a Urologist that I was born with a mild Hypospadias; this is always a contra-indication for circumcision. The old family GP, however proceeded to circumcise me very tightly, leaving no flexibility of skin. I suffer from painful erections, painful orgasms and soreness following sexual activity.

I find it very difficult to even talk about this subject and feel very ashamed of my penis. "

"I was circumcised as a baby, back in 1968. Back then here in Canada, it was routine. Everyone did it, there were virtually no exceptions to the rule. Really, it wasn't a 'religious' thing...it was just the norm. And covered by our medical system. (not anymore, you have to pay...!) I know that based on seeing my counterparts at school growing up...everyone was cut. The one or two males who were intact were actually deemed a little odd by everyone else.

Growing up, I thought I was the 'normal' one. Never really thought about it much. I did notice that my glans look a lot different from uncut guys, mine looks slightly calloused, where an intact guy looked pink and moist and ALIVE.

Now well into my adult years, I am so disgusted that I had this procedure performed on me without my consent. I don't have much feeling in my glans, I only have true feeling under the 'ridge' of the glans. It can take me forever and a day to reach an orgasm sometimes.

Now, today, I know that the intact man is the way we were meant to be and I think the uncircumcised penis is beautiful and natural...and the way it should be. I wish every day that I had my foreskin. But now I am thinking of restoration. I miss this vital part of my body each and every day. I can't get it out of my mind how I have been mutilated against my will. I don't have any of the horror stories to tell like some men who's penises have actually been deformed or made disfunctional by circumsicion..but I am equally at a loss. I wish my body was normal. So now I have to figure out if I can find a method of restoration that is going to work and is compatible with my life. I know that I will never get everthing back, the nerves, the sensations, but I want my penis to be normal again.

This procedure should be outlawed, except for the most extreme cases. Or by an adult individual's own decision!"

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